Creative Goodbyes

I meet up with an old friend today. While our meeting was arranged because she was in town for Thanksgiving, it turned into more than that. My friend, Karen, had just gotten a message from her boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend I guess, telling her they were finished.

To be exact, his text said, "I know you're out shopping. You don't need to get anything for me. We are done." Yes, an adult relationship, ended with a text message. Not only that, but the way he decided to go about it has to be the biggest joke I've ever seen. Looking at the tears welling up in Karen's eyes, I stifled the laugh brewing inside. Our outing turned into me comforting and consoling her. Basically, I convinced her that anyone that would end a relationship that way was not worthy of a female pig rolled in mud.

This incident reminded me of the many crazy ways people have broken up over the years.  It all started in fourth grade. You remember, the note that says, "Will you go out with me? Circle yes or no." Amazingly, children's notes have not evolved much from those days. If yes is circled, the ensuing two week relationship would end in a very similar note. "Do you want to break up? Circle yes or no." Ahhh, the simplicity of pre-pubescense.

Things stepped up a little in middle school. I remember a relationship ended, although I was not personally involved. After a few months of a hot and heavy relationship, the guy wanted to break this off. He was too nervous to do it himself so he employed his friends. He allowed them free reign on how to do it. So, his two friends went up to this poor girl. One asks, "What's your favorite place to shop?"
She replies, "The Gap."
The second puts the nail in the coffin, responding with, "Well, you will have a lot more time to shop at the Gap, because So-and-so doesn't want to go out with you anymore!"

Harsh, right? I find it very similar to the way Karen was broken up with. The huge difference being in this example, the kids were 13 years old, not 28!

One other break-up sticks out in my mind. A girl, Beth, wanted to break up with this guy. She was so done with the relationship, but hated hurting his feelings. He wasn't the right guy for her, but he wasn't a bad guy. How could she do it without it being too painful? She came up with what she thought was a monster plan! She got a friend involved, an attractive friend, none the less. They were all going out to the bar together. The friend's job was to hang all over this guy and tempt him to cheat on Beth. This way, Beth could turn around and break up with this guy for cheating on her. He instantly becomes the bad guy and she is home free. Certainly an original break-up plan.

Again, the major difference being these were 18 and 19 year old kids, compared with an adult relationship. We can all agree that Karen's ex really made a jerk of himself with his break-up method. What crazy break-up methods have you come across over the years?

I secretly want to know so I can use them when I decide to break-up with Jeff. Cause that is going to happen!