Festivus for the Rest of Us

One week until Thanksgiving, and oh so much to be thankful for. I was chatting about Thanksgiving plans with some co-workers, when one mentioned that the week before Thanksgiving her family actually practices the Festivus for the Rest of Us.

Know what that is? It is from Seinfeld. Frank Costanza, more recently known as Arthur Spooner, has a designated pole for this event. A pole wrapped in aluminum foil. Whoever holds the pole holds the power. Not just the power to speak. They hold the power to express to those gathered the ways that they have disappointed you in the past year.

If you ask me, this could get pretty ugly! But you're right, nobody asked me. On top of sharing these disappointments, you can talk about what those around you do to bother you. Awesome! My family should try this. Can you imagine all of the nasty things my 91, 89, 87, 86, and 82 year old grandmother and aunts would have to say? They do this on a regular basis. Put an aluminum foil covered pole in their hand and hell could freeze over.

"She uses too much clorox!"
"I'm always buying her things at the dollar store and she never pays me back!"
"You're not allergic, it's all in your head."
"You talk to loud!"
"You don't talk loud enough!"

It would be wondrous! I guess with a celebration of thanks, love, and caring the following week, it would be good to get everything out on the table.

Adding to the excitement of the Festuvus, there is a test of strength. What are some logical ways to test strength? Arm wrestling. Picking up heavy things. Doing push-ups and sit-ups. Holding your hand over a flame. Pulling 18-wheelers. To me, all of those acceptable strength decipherers. Not at the Festivus. At the Festivus, the oldest of the family, the patriarch/matriarch so to say, wrestles the baby of the family.

Now this could make for another exciting memory in my family. I imagine my 91 year old great aunt wobbling up to her 22 year old nephew. A nephew who spends hours fine-tuning his chiseled body. Yea, that would go well.

In honor of the Festivus that I will not be celebrating, due to the concern for the stability of my extended family, I would like to throw some grievances out there.

It bothers me that I won't be young forever.
It bothers me that gas prices are so high.
It bothers me that dogs aren't allowed a lot of places.
It bothers me that it was twice as warm in Cleveland this morning that it was here! (27 - 54)
It bothers me that Cleveland is not closer.
And, it bothers me that I have 4 more weeks till I can go to Cleveland.

Take a second, go ahead; be a sour puss. Be a whiner. Just today, it's the only time it's allowed! What grievances do you have?