Near Death

Most people would claim that Friday isn't too far away. I want it here so badly. It almost seems as though the closer it gets, the more pain I feel. The pain of having to get all the way through Wednesday, Thursday, and the majority of Friday. I don't expect you to understand, so let me try to explain.

Think about when you have pee really bad. I am a big a fruit eater. I will sit down and eat a whole watermelon or a whole bag of grapes all at once. Delicious, healthy, and full of water. As I am always thinking ahead (sarcasm), I tend to take Shea out for a run after a full blown noshing of fruit.

With this, at some point, it hits me out of nowhere. I have to pee, and I have to pee immediately. There are the times that I find myself five miles away from home, with no shot of making it back without an accident. An accident would be mildly embarrassing considering that I am damn near 30 years old! With wetting my pants not an option, I look to Shea for an answer. When Shea has to go, he finds a good spot, squats down, and lets it flow! At times like these, I have no other options. My idea of a good spot differs from Shea just a bit. Instead of finding a nice red fire hydrant out in the open, I need to find a grassy area that is well hidden! There really is no else I can do but make like this little lady....

Like I said, that is what happens in extenuating circumstances. Stuck miles from my home. There are times that I can make it home, and those times bring upon the feelings that I compare to how far away Friday actually is.

Running across town, with the bathroom as my goal, the closer I get, the worse I have to go. The harder it is to hold in. When I finally get to the door, just feet away, the real problems ensue. I have to dance, wiggle, and jiggle. On top of doing all of this, I need to get my key out and actually open the door. By the time that happens, I usually have no self control left. I fling the door open, let it swing ajar while I hit the bathroom. Any random could wander into the house, but Lord knows I don't have that half-second to spare to shut the door. Usually sweaty from running, I have a hard time with my pants. Trying to dance and hold in while taking your pants off is very tricky!

The pain mounts until I finally am set to go. The relief is immense. But the fight to get there nearly brought death. That is where I am at right now. Near death. I am at the equivalent of fighting with the front door. So close to the prize, but yet so far away. Still, two and a half painful days lie ahead. I am sure, as I often leave the front door swinging open, I will lose my mind in some way before Friday evening arrives. But, the relief will be well worth the insanity the next few days will bring.