I have gotten a lot of negative feedback about yesterday's post. People not quiet understanding the new way Jeff and I will go about life. People, not thinking this new method of madness is a good idea. Why not? Will Smith and Jada Pinkett do it! That's right, I just compared Jeff and I to the Fresh Prince and his crime fighting angel of a wife. And why shouldn't I? We live very similar lifestyles!
Maybe, because Jeff and I have morals. Maybe because we possess self control. I don't know. It could be the respect we have for one another. Or the fact that we have build a foundation for a strong marriage. It could be that we did vow to honor and cherish each other, and have decided that the "each other" in there is more important than anything else.
Either way, if you believed the post yesterday, two things are very evident. First and foremost, you have not read previous blogs. If you had read those, you would find the revelations in yesterday's blog impossible. And secondly, you obviously do not know either of us. I'm not saying that is a good or a bad thing, it is just an obvious thing.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Different Area Codes
"If you are in different area codes, it's not cheating." Those words resinate in my mind. Is this true? Does being in a different area code make cheating ok?
Over the past month, Jeff and I have realized that while this move we have made will benefit our future, it is leaving us unfulfilled right now. We have been going about everything thinking positively, trying to remember how this will make our relationship stronger, help us both reach our professional goals, blah blah blah. All the things that someone trying to make a ridiculous situation sound normal would say.
This stuff we have been saying all along is wonderful. But, really, living hundreds of miles apart leaves something to be desired. So, the question is how to we solve this problem. With an open relationship of course.
Never, I mean never, had I ever considered such a thing. But, on that blessed day in September 2007 when we exchanged vows, we promised to honor and cherish each other. With that, I cherish Jeff enough to allow him to fulfill his desires. And he feels the same about me.
Do I have fears about this? Of course. How many major decisions are made without some fear? I can simply turn on the television and realize the problems that can come. Does David Letterman ring a bell? I can't imagine the pain his wife is going through. Once it starts, maybe there is no way to end it. I am hoping that, in our case, proximity will help. For while we are in different area codes, there is no such thing as cheating. But, we will not be in different area codes forever!
Over the past month, Jeff and I have realized that while this move we have made will benefit our future, it is leaving us unfulfilled right now. We have been going about everything thinking positively, trying to remember how this will make our relationship stronger, help us both reach our professional goals, blah blah blah. All the things that someone trying to make a ridiculous situation sound normal would say.
This stuff we have been saying all along is wonderful. But, really, living hundreds of miles apart leaves something to be desired. So, the question is how to we solve this problem. With an open relationship of course.
Never, I mean never, had I ever considered such a thing. But, on that blessed day in September 2007 when we exchanged vows, we promised to honor and cherish each other. With that, I cherish Jeff enough to allow him to fulfill his desires. And he feels the same about me.
Do I have fears about this? Of course. How many major decisions are made without some fear? I can simply turn on the television and realize the problems that can come. Does David Letterman ring a bell? I can't imagine the pain his wife is going through. Once it starts, maybe there is no way to end it. I am hoping that, in our case, proximity will help. For while we are in different area codes, there is no such thing as cheating. But, we will not be in different area codes forever!
Monday, October 5, 2009
NYC
Jeff, born and raised in a land where cows run rampant, is really a city boy at heart. How this happened? I'm not quiet sure, but it is for certain. Milking cows was never for Jeff. The fast life and the city that never sleeps is what holds the key to Jeff's heart.
Cleveland is no New York City, but it sure is closer to that lifestyle than Schenectady! Maybe a step in the right direction for Jeff. Personally, I need to know that we will be financially stable if I were to consider moving to New York City. Sure I could teach down in the city. I would do it in a heart beat. Although, the money I would make may be able to buy me meals off of the McDonald's dollar menu once a week.
In thinking that at some point I will end up in New York City, I have tried to imagine what that lifestyle would be like beyond eating off the dollar menu. I have tried to envision myself working there. What would I do? Personally, I enjoy an active lifestyle and would hate anything less. I also hate being on someone else's schedule. I hate the idea of the subway because if I am running a few minutes late one day, I will miss my ride. So, I came to the conclusion that the best job for me would be a pedicab driver.
Being a pedicab driver would meet all my most important needs. Number one, I would be involved in a physically active and challenging job. Can't beat that! Another major plus is that I get to meet all kinds of people. There is no doubt in a city like New York, I will meet people from all walks of life. I will see and hear interesting things I couldn't anywhere else in the world. And beyond that, I would be on my own schedule, pedaling around finding customers and dodging that crazy New York City traffic. Ahhhh, that would definitely be my ideal New York City job. It may not be a job that has me reaching for the stars, but hey, it will do!
I felt comfortable with this decision and the idea that this could be what my life comes to if Jeff decides New York City is his next move. The mixture of wind and smog in my face, pedaling around my own body weight plus that of my customers. I like a challenge and this would be my new way of facing one each day. The only problem, I don't think I am tough enough to beat up a cab driver. Apparently that is a job requirement. Don't believe me? Check it out.......
So much for that idea. I guess I have to stick with teaching!
Cleveland is no New York City, but it sure is closer to that lifestyle than Schenectady! Maybe a step in the right direction for Jeff. Personally, I need to know that we will be financially stable if I were to consider moving to New York City. Sure I could teach down in the city. I would do it in a heart beat. Although, the money I would make may be able to buy me meals off of the McDonald's dollar menu once a week.
In thinking that at some point I will end up in New York City, I have tried to imagine what that lifestyle would be like beyond eating off the dollar menu. I have tried to envision myself working there. What would I do? Personally, I enjoy an active lifestyle and would hate anything less. I also hate being on someone else's schedule. I hate the idea of the subway because if I am running a few minutes late one day, I will miss my ride. So, I came to the conclusion that the best job for me would be a pedicab driver.
Being a pedicab driver would meet all my most important needs. Number one, I would be involved in a physically active and challenging job. Can't beat that! Another major plus is that I get to meet all kinds of people. There is no doubt in a city like New York, I will meet people from all walks of life. I will see and hear interesting things I couldn't anywhere else in the world. And beyond that, I would be on my own schedule, pedaling around finding customers and dodging that crazy New York City traffic. Ahhhh, that would definitely be my ideal New York City job. It may not be a job that has me reaching for the stars, but hey, it will do!
I felt comfortable with this decision and the idea that this could be what my life comes to if Jeff decides New York City is his next move. The mixture of wind and smog in my face, pedaling around my own body weight plus that of my customers. I like a challenge and this would be my new way of facing one each day. The only problem, I don't think I am tough enough to beat up a cab driver. Apparently that is a job requirement. Don't believe me? Check it out.......
So much for that idea. I guess I have to stick with teaching!
Refreshed
I woke up this morning feeling energized. An energy I haven't felt in a long time. I woke up ready to get my week started. Each morning, I run three miles with Shea. I noticed an extra pep in my step on my morning run, and could feel a good day coming on.
Without a doubt, I credit this feeling of exuberance to having seen Jeff this weekend. I'm not sure how, but it eased my mind. Just seeing him, being with him, and knowing everything is good out there. I also felt relief that Jeff has seen Shea. I was sure that after a weekend full of driving, I would be exhausted today, although, gladly, that was not the case.
I hate to think of what this week could be like if I hadn't decided to go and see Jeff. I envision a very slow, painful week. I picture being so distracted by my thoughts that I lock my keys in the house and have to wait for my uncle to get home to get inside. Or, maybe I forget to tie my shoes tight before I go for a run, resulting in me tripping and cutting my legs open. Even worse, my thoughts could wonder as I am doing my hair, and I burn my face with the curling iron. These are the types of things that happen as a result of my wondering mind. In fact, those thing have all happened, sadly. Things that would never, other than burning my face (I have done that in the past), happen when I am in a normal frame of mind.
The morning energy I felt, has gotten my week off to a good start. A week that can only get better as it goes on, for I see Jeff Friday morning.
Without a doubt, I credit this feeling of exuberance to having seen Jeff this weekend. I'm not sure how, but it eased my mind. Just seeing him, being with him, and knowing everything is good out there. I also felt relief that Jeff has seen Shea. I was sure that after a weekend full of driving, I would be exhausted today, although, gladly, that was not the case.
I hate to think of what this week could be like if I hadn't decided to go and see Jeff. I envision a very slow, painful week. I picture being so distracted by my thoughts that I lock my keys in the house and have to wait for my uncle to get home to get inside. Or, maybe I forget to tie my shoes tight before I go for a run, resulting in me tripping and cutting my legs open. Even worse, my thoughts could wonder as I am doing my hair, and I burn my face with the curling iron. These are the types of things that happen as a result of my wondering mind. In fact, those thing have all happened, sadly. Things that would never, other than burning my face (I have done that in the past), happen when I am in a normal frame of mind.
The morning energy I felt, has gotten my week off to a good start. A week that can only get better as it goes on, for I see Jeff Friday morning.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Simple Math
On my drive home from Cleveland today I did a little math. With stoppage time for the bathroom and gas, I drove right around 14 hours to and from Cleveland. In total I spend 34 hours with Jeff. Mind you, only half of those were awake. So, in reality I drove 14 hours, to spend 17 hours with Jeff. Crazy? Maybe. Worth it? Totally!
First and foremost, Jeff got to see Shea. That, in itself, was a sight to see. Nothing exemplifies pure joy like a boy and his dog! Even if the boy is damn near 30 years old. Our family was back together, and time constraints couldn't ruin the feeling of comfort that brings.
After spending the day together, all three of us, Jeff and I went out. We met up with some of his friends. It was wonderful to get to know some of his new friends and co-workers. One friend took this lovely picture of us, and said mockingly "I'm going to post this on my blog." He doesn't have a blog, he was basically just making fun of people who have them. I laughed, and really, I don't take offense. Something about writing this makes me feel better. And, on top of that, I enjoy it.
The weekend is over, and although our time together was short, it couldn't have been better. It strikes me as odd that our days apart feel like an eternity. However, when we are together, it feels like we were never apart. Someday, we really never will be apart! Until then, this will have to do.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Extreme Measures
Certain circumstances call for extreme measures. I feel that last night was one of them, and that is my excuse for the absence of my October 2nd blog. The importance of life got in the way.
At lunch time I found out that my flight to Cleveland was not going to work. The reason; unimportant. The result; devastating! I had built myself up all week, anticipating my weekend with Jeff. I wasn't anticipating anything in particular, just seeing his smiling face and being near him. The news was like the world had crashed down upon me. I know, that seems rather dramatic, but I was near breakdown. That is something that doesn't happen often in my life, so I knew I needed to do something about it.
Recently, Jeff has been saying how much he misses Shea. I have been scrutinizing our schedules trying to figure out a time I can get the big guy out there to see Jeff before Christmas. It was seemingly impossible. Weighing my options, I realized that this weekend, I had no plans. I would be sitting home, doing nothing, sulking because I was not in Cleveland.
So, once I had my students packed and on the bus, I headed out the door. I threw some clothes in a bag, made a peanut butter sandwich, and got Shea into the car. I was driving to Cleveland. I didn't tell Jeff because he would tell me I was crazy and not to do it. I didn't want to hear that, I wanted to see him. I stopped one rest stop, took Shea for a little walk, went to the bathroom, and got gas. Besides that, I was moving. I found a car that I stayed with all the way to Cleveland.
While flying along the interstate 90, 420 miles without a single turn, Shea somehow crawled around the gate and climbed into the front seat. Although he had never been allowed in the front, it was nice to have his company. He was a good passenger!
Covering my tracks, I sent Jeff a text that I was going out to drink my sorrows away. I can't believe he bought it, as I have a drink about once a year. Either way, it worked! I told him I would call him when I got home. So, as I pulled into the driveway here in Cleveland, I called. I told Jeff that the landlord had called me and said there was something on the front lawn he wanted Jeff to check out. A rather odd call to get at 11:00 p.m. But again, Jeff bought it, muttering, "I can't even imagine what this is going to be." Shea ran up to him, and I knew he couldn't be mad at me for driving, because he gets to see Shea.
Our little family is back together for now. Well, for today really. Tomorrow we will be apart again. But the 14 hours of driving here and back, is definitely worth the one day of reuniting!
At lunch time I found out that my flight to Cleveland was not going to work. The reason; unimportant. The result; devastating! I had built myself up all week, anticipating my weekend with Jeff. I wasn't anticipating anything in particular, just seeing his smiling face and being near him. The news was like the world had crashed down upon me. I know, that seems rather dramatic, but I was near breakdown. That is something that doesn't happen often in my life, so I knew I needed to do something about it.
Recently, Jeff has been saying how much he misses Shea. I have been scrutinizing our schedules trying to figure out a time I can get the big guy out there to see Jeff before Christmas. It was seemingly impossible. Weighing my options, I realized that this weekend, I had no plans. I would be sitting home, doing nothing, sulking because I was not in Cleveland.
So, once I had my students packed and on the bus, I headed out the door. I threw some clothes in a bag, made a peanut butter sandwich, and got Shea into the car. I was driving to Cleveland. I didn't tell Jeff because he would tell me I was crazy and not to do it. I didn't want to hear that, I wanted to see him. I stopped one rest stop, took Shea for a little walk, went to the bathroom, and got gas. Besides that, I was moving. I found a car that I stayed with all the way to Cleveland.
While flying along the interstate 90, 420 miles without a single turn, Shea somehow crawled around the gate and climbed into the front seat. Although he had never been allowed in the front, it was nice to have his company. He was a good passenger!
Covering my tracks, I sent Jeff a text that I was going out to drink my sorrows away. I can't believe he bought it, as I have a drink about once a year. Either way, it worked! I told him I would call him when I got home. So, as I pulled into the driveway here in Cleveland, I called. I told Jeff that the landlord had called me and said there was something on the front lawn he wanted Jeff to check out. A rather odd call to get at 11:00 p.m. But again, Jeff bought it, muttering, "I can't even imagine what this is going to be." Shea ran up to him, and I knew he couldn't be mad at me for driving, because he gets to see Shea.
Our little family is back together for now. Well, for today really. Tomorrow we will be apart again. But the 14 hours of driving here and back, is definitely worth the one day of reuniting!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
A Day Away
Tomorrow is Friday. A Friday that I fly out to Cleveland! I woke up this morning fully convinced that today actually was Friday. What a blow to find out it was really Thursday.
It's weird. The closer I get to seeing Jeff, the more at ease I should feel. That's what I had imagined anyway. But, as I get closer, I almost feel worse. I feel like I can't make it one more day. I just can't. My plane leaves at 6:15 tomorrow evening. Right now, 6:15 seems. to me, as far away as it did two weeks ago when I last left Jeff. And it seems like an eternity ago since we said goodbye.
I know tomorrow, my day at work, will fly by. They always do. We are so busy, and being surrounded by smiling 10 year olds is a big help. It's the flight I am dreading. It will seem so long that I might as well crawl all the way to Cleveland.
Either way, the main thing is that I will be there. I am looking forward to just being in the physical presence of Jeff. As tired as I am right now, I can't help but look forward to falling asleep next to my husband. A feeling, when I got married, I never thought I would have to live without. Now that I am, I try to find comfort in strange places. For example, I sleep with a Case Western Basketball t-shirt on, like somehow that brings me closer to Jeff. I sleep on what would be Jeff's "side" of the bed. I have an extra pillow that I cling to, as if it were human. And poor Shea gets the brunt of my loneliness, as I tell him 900 times a day how much I love him, and give him more hugs and kisses than the average dog sees in a lifetime.
Come fast tomorrow, please. Jeff, you better give me a big hug when you see me. Don't let go for a little while. I need it. Why? Just because.
It's weird. The closer I get to seeing Jeff, the more at ease I should feel. That's what I had imagined anyway. But, as I get closer, I almost feel worse. I feel like I can't make it one more day. I just can't. My plane leaves at 6:15 tomorrow evening. Right now, 6:15 seems. to me, as far away as it did two weeks ago when I last left Jeff. And it seems like an eternity ago since we said goodbye.
I know tomorrow, my day at work, will fly by. They always do. We are so busy, and being surrounded by smiling 10 year olds is a big help. It's the flight I am dreading. It will seem so long that I might as well crawl all the way to Cleveland.
Either way, the main thing is that I will be there. I am looking forward to just being in the physical presence of Jeff. As tired as I am right now, I can't help but look forward to falling asleep next to my husband. A feeling, when I got married, I never thought I would have to live without. Now that I am, I try to find comfort in strange places. For example, I sleep with a Case Western Basketball t-shirt on, like somehow that brings me closer to Jeff. I sleep on what would be Jeff's "side" of the bed. I have an extra pillow that I cling to, as if it were human. And poor Shea gets the brunt of my loneliness, as I tell him 900 times a day how much I love him, and give him more hugs and kisses than the average dog sees in a lifetime.
Come fast tomorrow, please. Jeff, you better give me a big hug when you see me. Don't let go for a little while. I need it. Why? Just because.
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