Potty Pants

Early this morning I was requested as a babysitter for my little cousins. The oldest is a little girl, Rosie, who is 8, and my Godson, Joseph, who is now in his ferocious fives (an elongated version of the terrible twos). I was meeting their father at Rosie’s basketball scrimmage so he could leave from there.

I don’t know what you know about 8 year olds playing basketball, but it is so cute and awful all at the same time! Cute, because these little kids dress up in their uniforms, do team cheers, and try to talk the basketball lingo. Yet so awful, because they run around having no clue whether they are on offense or defense.

The game was over quick enough and it was time for dinner. We went to “Friendly’s,” a regional family chain known for their quick, friendly service, and ice cream. Our table was filled with more hot dogs and mac ‘n cheese than you could ever want to eat.

Joseph is very big for his age. He always has been. I think he came out of the womb weighing in at 15 pounds. He hasn’t stopped eating or growing since. So, I was somewhat taken aback when he left half of his plate of mac ‘n cheese. I had to push him to eat two more fork fulls. He did and immediately went to he bathroom to pee. He was back quickly, in time to order an ice cream for dessert. While waiting for dessert he asked to go to the bathroom again. When I questioned him, he said he had to go or he would poop his pants. Joseph was in the bathroom for about 10 minutes. I kept checking on him, and he was indeed sitting there on the toilet. A few minutes later he emerged looking like a proud man who had just done his business. All he needed was a newspaper under his arm.

Back home, the kids needed to get their pj’s on. When I collected their dirty clothes to throw in the hamper, only Joseph’s sweatshirt was on his bed. He said he hid his clothes under the bed and pretended to get them out. Why on earth is he pretending to get his clothes out from there? Why is lying about putting his clothes in the hamper? As I bent down to check what was going on under that bed, my nose nearly jumped off my face. The dog ratted out Joseph by grabbing his poop-stained underwear and dragging them out into the middle of the floor. Joseph admitted to having an accident in the “Friendly’s” bathroom. He was embarrassed and tried to hide the evidence. I assured him it was okay and we went to clean his butt. Fun, fun, fun.

After the kids were in bed, I was left with poop-ridden underwear. Glad for the large laundry room, I cleaned Joseph’s underwear off and deemed myself the Best Babysitter on Earth! The scary part, other than having to hold my breath, I was somewhat comfortable with the whole process.

If only I were in Cleveland this weekend. I would be out with Jeff, enjoying our time together, rather than cleaning poop of butts and undies. At least I am comfortable doing either!